We decided to open a file with Adoption Option and every person we've told asks us the same question "So, how long do you have to wait?" It's a question that's so common that even we asked it when we started this process. I'm not an expert on adoptions but I want to answer the most common questions we get so far.
1) How long is the waiting list?
There isn't one. Adoptions are now based on a double-match system. The biological mother fills out a form telling what traits she wants in the adoptive parents to have. She can decide based on anything, from the ethnicity, religion, financials, pets, number of other kids, geography etc. As prospective adoptive parents, we provide all this information to the adoption agency. We also fill out a list of the features we want from the mom (drug/alcohol use, ethnicity etc). The adoption agency tries to match the lists. So there is no "waiting list". It's not a matter of being patient until everyone else has a kid before you. It can be a matter of months, to a matter of years, to never. It all depends on the double-match system.
2) Where do you adopt from?
There are two agencies in Winnipeg that you can adopt locally - Adoption Options (private) and Child and Family Services (public). AO also handles some international adoptions. You can open a file with both AO and CFS simultaneously.
For international adoptions, there aren't many countries that are allowing international adoptions. Some, like Ethopia and Haiti are under political upheaval so they closed their borders until the political situation returns to normal. Other countries just closed their doors without warning. And China keeps changing their rules all the time, so for example, there's a BMI requirement now that wasn't there a few years ago. And you can only adopt kids with medical problems (heart defect, HIV, club foot, cleft palette etc). So yeah, we want local because the rules are more consistent.
3) How much is the cost?
About $12,000 all in with AO. CFS might be different because they don't have to pay for staff.
Opening the file is $550.
Weekend 2-day seminar $1100
Homestudy with the social worker $2100
Pre-placement $400
Placement $900
Review of medical history $500
Counselling for the biological mother $900
Documentation $1400
Openness agreement $200
Lawyer fees $3000-$4000
Medical history (depends on your doctor) $20-$50/person
Criminal records $80/person
4) Can you choose the baby's ethnicity?
Yes and no. We fill in an "Application II" form that lists our criteria for the biological mom. We can choose the mom's ethnicity, the amount of drugs/alcohol use during pregnancy, the age range of the baby/child we're willing to adopt, the gender, number of kids we're willing to adopt (eg. twins, siblings, singletons) etc. This is the list that helps in the double-match I explained before.
5) How much is the biological mom involved in the kid's life?
Yes and no. That's call "openness". We (biological and adoptive parents) decide and sign an Openness Agreement with the biological mom/parents detailing how often the we meet with the biological parent(s). Usually, it's 2-3x per year, around holidays and birthdays. What we've been told is that during the first year or two, there is more involvement and it typically wanes over time as the biological mom/parents move on. It's not, let me make this really clear, a joint custody agreement. We're not sharing a child and there aren't weekend visitations. Oh yeah, and the biological mom usually decides the middle name of the child.
6) How many kids are placed each year?
That depends on the year. In 2011, it was 9. In 2009, it was 27. The number of kids placed depends on the number of biological moms that complete the process. For every 100 moms that contact AO for information, only 50 will decide to come in for a meeting, 25 will complete the process to place the child with a forever family, and 2-3 will change their mind and request their child back.
7) Whoa, wait. WTF?
Aye, there's the rub. The biological mother (or father, but usually the mother) has 21 days after placing the child up for adoption to change her mind and can take their child back. On day 22, the child is yours and then you can change the baby's last name to yours and get the birth certificate changed.
8) How many parents are on the waiting list?
Again... there's no list. But what we've been told, it's about 100.
9) How long are *you* going to wait?
About 3 years.